Finding Clarity in the \"Quiet Restlessness\"

Why being, not wanting, having, or doing, is the essence of the life you were meant to live.

Monday morning reflection on finding clarity at the start of another work week.

It took me way too long to sort out finding clarity.

Culture is always shaping clarity to be “successful’ and social media amps it up even more. Our family’s value imply (if not pressure) what our success should look like for them. Add the influence of spiritual community focus on “finding God’s will” - aka “doing the right things the right way to be approved by them and God.”

The clarity I’m referring to is not the kind that arrives all at once with a perfect answer, but the deeper kind that slowly reshapes us over time. It meets us in seasons of transition and in those moments of quiet restlessness when we sense something in our lives is asking to be reexamined. It often comes when everything we’ve built seems to be falling apart. 

Ever have a book call you to “buy me”?

Years ago, during a significant life transition, I was seeking clarity. I happened across a book that felt like it was calling out to me: Evelyn Underhill’s The Spiritual Life. As I flipped through its pages, I found a paragraph that has become a point of recalibration for me ever since:

“We mostly spend our lives conjugating three verbs: to Want, to Have, and to Do. Craving, clutching, and fussing... we are kept in perpetual unrest: forgetting that none of these verbs have any ultimate significance, except so far as they are transcended by and included in, the fundamental verb, to Be.”

"Doing" Culture and Spirituality

Recently, several of my coaching clients have found themselves in this same place. I shared this quote with them and now with you. We all experience transitions when we want clarity about “what’s next.” Whether it is caused by an external change or a quiet awareness that our current role no longer feels meaningful, the longing for clarity is deeply human.

The problem isn't that wanting, having, or doing are inherently wrong. The problem arises when we become disconnected from our essential sense of Being. When our actions don't flow from the center of who we are, we end up anxious, striving, and exhausted.

A New Direction

I once believed that wholeness came from "doing enough" and "doing it right." But there is a different wisdom that points us toward being first, letting our doing flow from that deeper place. When life is rooted in being, action becomes less like frantic effort and more like living water.

As part of my daily rhythm, I return to these words from John O’Donohue:

“May I have the courage today

To live the life that I would love,

To postpone my dream no longer

But to do at last what I came here for

And waste my heart on fear no more.”

A Reflection for Your Week

My hope for you this morning is that you would not feel pressured to force clarity, but willing to listen for it.

I’d love to hear from you: Which of Underhill’s "three verbs" (Want, Have, Do) do you find yourself caught in most often lately? How might "Being" change your approach this week?

Email: drpaul@pauldfitzgerald.com