The Thinking Trap: Why \"Figuring It Out\" Keeps You From Moving Forward

Have you ever found yourself feeling “stuck” in some part of your life and trying to “figure it out”  feels like you’re caught in an endless loop of thinking? Sure you have. We all get stuck by feeling we “should be able to figure it out.”

I learned this lesson a long time ago in a much more literal way when I was a young man struggling with a stubborn car problem.

It seemed obvious that I could analyze the mechanical issue, fix it myself, and save a bit of money in the process. Many of my high school friends were very skilled mechanics. However, after spending hours working on what I was positive was the source of the trouble, the engine still refused to run well.

I remember sitting there feeling incredibly hard on myself, caught in a loop of self-criticism because I believed I should have been smart enough to handle it. (After all, it was just basic mechanics, not rocket science.)

I finally had to swallow my pride and take the car to a professional mechanic. I was  too embarrassed to admit that I had already tried to tinker with it myself.

When I returned to pick it up, the mechanic let me know that he had successfully resolved the original issue. He had also fixed the additional mess that the previous person had caused.

He shook his head and suggested that I never take my car back to that mechanic again. I assured him that I would never use that mechanic again - (or try to figure it out myself). 

I can laugh about it - now. 

Since your logical mind solves problems in other areas, it seems reasonable you can fix this one stubborn block. You can search YouTube for more information, self-help books for motivationn. You can use will power to try harder.  

However, the truth is, our need to “figure it out”  is often our very earliest defense reaction.

If we encounter overwhelming disappointment, failure, or criticism early in life, a protective part of us quietly steps in to ensure we never have to re-experience that vulnerability. Our neurological system creates a “protector” that decides that if it can just analyze every angle and maintain complete control, it can shield us from the risk of further emotional pain.

No wonder we default to “figuring it out.”

Almost everyone I’ve coached to overcome an emotional block to their life-forwarding energy expressed frustration that they couldn’t figure it out themselves.

Here’s the truth: Spending energy “trying to figure it out” ourselves logically rarely resolves the underlying emotional blockage. In the short-run, we may experience some relief from the symptoms but relieving the symptoms is not resolving the deeper emotional block keeping us stuck. Pushing harder with logic may signal your nervous system that you are unsafe making resolution even more challenging.

Real change does not begin by conquering the block with willpower or finding the perfect intellectual diagnosis.

Deep change can happen when you create the safety required for your natural, life-forward energy to return and reveal the next honest step by:

• learning the skills to step back from the mental gymnastics, 

• allowing your analytical mind to rest, and 

• bringing a neutral, compassionate curiosity to the physical tension you are carrying.

• becoming open to an inner awareness and relationship with the part of you that feels blocked.

When you are ready for a supportive space to overcome “being stuck” (without judgment or pressure), use this link to schedule a Free Getting Unstuck Conversation with me.

Dr. Paul