Why Do I Pull Back When Things Start Going Well?

There’s a moment many of us know too well.

✅ We commit to something life-giving.
✅ We feel hope rising in our chest.
✅ We take a breath, take a step…

And then, something inside pulls back.

❌ We procrastinate. We disappear. We overthink ourselves into stillness.

And we wonder:

“Why do I keep sabotaging myself?”

TL;DR: You’re not sabotaging—you’re protecting.

When life starts going well, an old part of you might panic—not because you’re broken, but because safety once felt unstable.
👉 This post offers 4 gentle steps to shift the pattern—without forcing, blaming, or rushing yourself.

There’s Nothing Wrong With You

Let me say this first, clearly:
There is nothing wrong with you.

And what we call “self-sabotage”?
It’s almost never sabotage.

It’s protection.

Often, a very old part of us—one that remembers what it cost to get our hopes up. One that learned safety was earned by staying small, invisible, in control.

That part doesn’t need fixing.
It needs to be met.

Why It Happens (Even When You Feel Ready)

You’ve probably heard these beliefs before:

“If I really try and fail, I won’t recover.”
“If I grow, I’ll outpace the people I love.”
“Good things never last.”
“Success just means more pressure.”

These aren’t flaws. They’re imprints.

Your system doesn’t doubt your desire to grow—it doubts the safety of staying there.

The Nervous System Flinches at Goodness

This is what I call success trauma—when even safety feels suspicious.

If every time things got good, something painful followed...
then of course your body braces.

Of course you pull back.

The nervous system doesn’t update through willpower.
It updates through felt safety.

How to Work With It (Without Forcing)

Here’s what I’ve seen help the most:

1. Notice the pattern—without shame.
Where do you tend to pull back? What’s the texture of that moment?
Naming it is already an act of liberation.

2. Ask what it’s trying to protect.
Not “Why am I doing this?”—but “What would feel dangerous about letting this go well?”

3. Offer something steady to lean into.
A phrase: “It’s safe to try now.”
A relationship. A breath. A grounding image.
Give your protector something solid while you move forward.

4. Take one small step—and return.
Don’t leap. Don’t force.
Create micro-moments of courage, and revisit the part of you that’s still afraid.
Let it know you’re not abandoning it.

If Something In You Is Nearing the Threshold…

…of letting things go well without flinching.
…of staying open when life feels good.
…of trusting your system to hold joy…

You’re not alone.

You don’t have to figure it all out.

You just have to feel the yes that’s whispering beneath the fear.

And if something in you is ready to be met—gently, at your own pace—
I’d be honored to walk with you.

Rapid Content-Free Transformation | Conversational Hypnotherapy & Coaching

15578 S Hillside St,

Olathe, KS 66062

913-706-6796

drpaul@pauldfitzgerald.com

We do not provide medical or psychiatric care, mental illness diagnosis, or treatment. Hypnotism is an adjunct to, but not a substitute for, medical or psychiatric treatment. Consult with your healthcare provider for any physical or mental health concerns. Results may vary from person to person.

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